Deeper into the abyss I go, 5-8 last week drops the overall season mark to 42-67-7 which means I’m lower below .500 than I was after the epic 1-13-2 Week 1. This is becoming depressing and I’m finding myself getting angry over crap like the Browns giving up a late FG to lose 20-10 when I had them getting 9. Good slate of games this week and I suppose the unpredictability of the proceedings is what keeps the NFL king, writing about college football lines would be much easier since the Haves usually beat the hell out of the Have-Nots. Let’s get this over with.

Packers (-5.5) at the Chargers: Yowza, didn’t realize the line was this big on the road considering this is becoming the chic pic amongst talking heads that this will be the first loss. Should be a tough game since I doubt SD rolls over after their last two brutal losses and unless Capers worked some magic over the bye Rivers & Co should put up over 300 passing yards. But it was encouraging to see the Chargers last keep continually settle for FGs in the red zone which is a specialty of the Packer defense so that along with Ol’ Phil’s interception run of late and I’ll take the MVP to score enough points to deliver 8-0.

Falcons (-7) at the Colts: I don’t think I’ve picked an Indy game correct this year, between that and all the talk about Peyton/Luck that’s already out there it’s fair to say I kinda hate that team now but because I don’t want them to get the #1 pick I’ll pull for them to come back and get a satisfying 3-13 season.

Browns (+10.5) at the Texans: Speaking of teams I can’t get right and have come to hate, your Cleveland Browns! They’re kinda good on defense but sport one of the league’s worst offenses so when they lose this one 17-6 I will rage again.

Jets (+2) at the Bills: Goooood game, big game. I like the Jets to ugly this up and get back into the race. But of more importance is following the career trajectory of Ryan Fitzpatrick who has gone from being underrated to overrated in just 7 games. Guy’s a solid QB but there seems to be this thinking out there that he’s Pro Bowl quality and to watch their games I just don’t see it. Maybe I’m just thrown off by how he looks like a comic book super villain.

Some QBs move the safeties with their eyes, Ryan Fitzpatrick uses telekinesis

Chiefs (-4) over the Dolphins: Wow does this line seem low considering KC is riding a 4-game win streak. Perhaps Miami’s recent stretch of competent play is swaying things but as we’ve seen with the Colts at some point the dam breaks and there’s a 4 touchdown loss mixed in there, while it probably won’t be that bad since Matt Cassel leading a team to 4 touchdowns usually takes two games this should be an easy cover.

Buccaneers (+9) at the Saints: A line that feels like it was made assuming people will just look at the team names and wager but the Bucs for thee years now have been chapping New Orleans’ ass with competitive ballgames and already has a win over them this season. Should be a rule that if you lose by 17 to the Rams you’d have to be playing a college team the next week in order to be a 9 point favorite.

49ers (-3.5) at Washington: If the Packers lose they’ll be tied with San Fran for #1 in the NFC (not even putting an “if” down for the Niners, won’t lose this game), put some Third Eye Blind in the CD players kids, it’s 1997 again!

Cowboys (-11.5) over the Seahawks: Was tempted to go Seattle due to their upset over the Giants but Dallas has the look of a team that will blow out overmatched opponents (hopefully I’m already drunk and celebrating a win over the Lions on Thanksgiving so I won’t care about their game with the Dolphins afterward) but can’t beat the big boys. A surefire way to win 9-10 games and be a quick playoff exit (see: 2003 Cowboys).

Raiders (-9) over the Broncos: Oakland Coliseum > Tebow (if you’re unaware of this meme please read the ever growing comment section to this post, I had my account suspended for posting Notre Dame Scissor Lifts > Tebow, whoops)

Bengals (+3) at the Titans: Why is this an afternoon game? How will the Bengals be 6-2 after this one? Did Matt Hasselbeck ever have hair?

Rams (+2.5) at the Cardinals: John Skelton. AJ Feeley. Projectile vomiting.

Giants (+9) at the Patriots: I know because he reminds people of fellow former SEC football superstar Forrest Gump they think Eli’s not all that good but he really is so with him, Nicks and Cruz doing work against what is becoming the worst pass defense in NFL history, take the points. (UPDATE: Hakeem Nicks is now being listed as doubtful, I’ll stick with this pick but with him and Ahmad Bradshaw possibly being out not feeling as good about it)

I may not be a smart man, but I know what a zone blitz is

Steelers (-3.5) over the Ravens: In the words of Grandpa Simpson, WE WANT BLOOOOOOOOOOOD!! Hopefully this game is to more to form for these teams than the Week 1 fluke outcome.

Bears (+7.5) at the Eagles: Intriguing MNF game again, the Eagles are still iffy against the run so let Forte and your defense keep you in this one with a chance to steal it late. The Bears for all the shit I give them aren’t likely to roll over and die like the Cowboys last week.