Normally when people post stuff on the internet there’s a hope that it will be read but my wish is that no one saw my 1-13-2 effort against the spread last week. That defies logic and was probably harder to do than go 13-1-2, even scarier is that if the Packers allow that final yard to the Saints it would have denied me the one win (also compounded my misery by taking the Browns in a Survivor pool, I’d say it was the worst 9/11 ever but, you know). But I shall rise from the ashes and with plenty of season to go vow that the run to a 51% win rate will be met. Lines taken from Bodog this morning.

Packers (-10) at the Panthers: Big line on the road against a team that just had a 400 yard passing day in Arizona but thanks to the NFL Network’s replaying of games (done in an awesome way too cutting out stuff between plays and knocking out a game in 90 minutes) I did a little living room scouting and that game should have been a blowout had it not been for the Cardinals giving away points in the first half. Tramon Williams not looking good to play but the fact that he even could is welcome news in light of what looked like a bad injury at the time, would have been nice to put him in Steve Smith but I say let Sam Shields run with him and hope for the best. It looked like the Cards weren’t ready for a competent Cam Newton and chose to blitz him silly, I expect Dom Capers to confuse the kid with the bevy of different looks they can employ and he’ll look a lot more like a rookie this week. *Cntl+C* On the other side of the ball look for Aaron Rodgers & Friends to score lots of points *Cntl+V* (I figure I’ll be using that a lot this season).

Bears (+7) at the Saints: Da Bears remain a mystery after their domination of the Falcons, I’d like to think they’ll be blown out in the Superdome but Will Smith is still suspended so it stands to reason that Diabeetus will still be able to move the ball and score some points. Another unknown is how Brian Urlacher will play after the passing of his mother, if he goes beastmode a la Favre in Oakland expect this to be the game of the day.

Lions (-8.5) over the Chiefs: One of the running rules I’ve employed in Butters the Greek over the years is that if a team loses at home by 34 to the Bills it doesn’t matter how many points they’re getting the next week, I’m picking against them (sadly for the Bills this hasn’t come up very often). Of course this could be a prime example of a team who thinks they’re further along than they are and put up a stinker against a bad opponent (see: last week’s Browns-Bengal game). Let’s just move on.

Washington (-4) over the Cardinals: A mix of the previously mentioned West Coast thing and Sexy Rexy spells doom for the Cards who I decided in my viewing of their game against Carolina are bad (which of course means they’re still in the race to win the NFC West). After seeing this photo from training camp I never thought Grossman would have a game like he did Sunday.

Mike Shanahan's always been a sucker for a great pair of tits

Jaguars (+9) at the Jets: I dunno, kinda feels like a 17-13 game that bores even Fireman Ed. All I know is that it would take every other game going to be at commercial for me to watch a snap of this.

Bills (-3.5) over the Raiders: Toughest line of the day, went back-and-forth over and over until I decided to employ the “West Coast team plays a game at 10:00 am local time” mode of thinking. Buffalo spent the offseason boasting about shoring up their rush defense and after stopping what we thought was a good running team in Kansas City gets another test with possibly the last team in the NFL to lean on a bruising attack. I think they do just enough while Fitzpatrick continues his quest to be the most surprising Pro Bowl QB ever but it’s tough not to root for this Oakland team with the way they play, might have to head to eBay and find one of the old Raider Starter jackets to show the team some love.

Ravens (-6.5) at the Titans: This game stinks of a letdown for Baltimore after the romp over Pittsburgh (in keeping with my terrible Week 1 also remember that I wanted NBC to carry that game instead of Jets-Cowboys which was all sorts of entertaining) but it also stinks of involving the Tennessee Titans. I really thought they were a good bet to win as an underdog last but as always played another game against Jacksonville that made those who witnessed it physically ill.

Seattle (+14.5) at the Steelers: When a team can comfortably win by two touchdowns and still not cover you know an NFL line is too high. And yes I’m aware I just backed Tavaris Jackson on the road in Pittsburgh, after last week nothing we thought we knew about the NFL makes any sense. Bears beat the Falcons by 18? Cam Newton throws for 422 yards while Donovan McNabb puts up 39? Steelers get routed in Baltimore? DOGS AND CATS! LIVING TOGETHER! MASS HYSTERIA!!

Buccaneers (+3) at the Vikings: Huh? People really think these teams are on equal footing? I know Tampa laid a stinker against Detroit and Minny had a final score closer than the play on the field but I don’t think that’s any reason to make the 39-yard wonder a favorite over anybody. If the Bucs are to be anything this season they absolutely can not lose this game to that team.

Colts (+3) over the Browns: Not a goddamn clue. I looked at the line and made this face for 20 minutes.

Kerry Collins possibly concussed, drunk, or both.

Cowboys (-3) at the 49ers: It amuses me greatly that Dallas is only favored by three in this game which would be a lot more interesting if the year was 1994.

Dolphins (+3) over the Texans: They broke my heart last week since despite the final score they actually were a lot closer to at least pushing were it not for a horrible play call on 4th and goal with 5 minutes left. Matt Schaub isn’t Tom Brady (it’s controversial statements like that which make me hopeful that someday ESPN will hire me to replace Tedy Bruschi) so I say Miami only gives up 350 passing yards and wins a shootout to claim their first win over Houston ever (says a lot about the decade of football they’ve had in South Florida doesn’t it?)

Patriots (-7) over the Chargers: This is the type of game where you talk yourself into San Diego and then it’s 17-0 in the first quarter, I won’t pick against the Pats again until they show that their punter needs to be used more than twice a game (which benefits us all really since the dude’s name is Zoltan Mesko which sounds like a character from Voltron)

Bengals (+3.5) at the Broncos: To quote Denver fans, BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Falcons (+3) over the Eagles: Oh my is this a juicy matchup even beyond all the Vick stuff (I like how one of the most beloved players in franchise history led them to all of two playoff wins, Falcon football history is adorably atrocious) what with the egg Atlanta laid in Chicago. The Emmys will be airing opposite this game so my prediction for the big winners Sunday night are Matt Ryan and Jon Hamm.

Rams (+6) at the Giants: Nice of ESPN to not put up anything compelling to watch freeing up America to watch the Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen. I suppose I should look to see if Sam Bradford is 100% before making a pick but it’s already typed out and I’m sure even their backup could throw for 250 against New York’s UFL-level cornerbacks.