Well, it wasn’t 1-13-2 again but last week’s 5-10-1 effort was frustrating in its own right. In a bar confidence pool of course I go 14-2 picking winners (didn’t win the overall contest however as I showed too much respect to the Ravens but I did manage to win a free appetizer, the buffalo tenders were delicious so the week wasn’t a total loss) but point spreads are a cruel mistress with such outcomes as the Packers giving up a garbage time TD to blow a cover, the Bills missed out by a half point and Washington won but couldn’t cover a measly 4 against Arizona. But the comeback trail is starting to be blazed and I’m learning lessons such as not to trust teams that are allergic to the red zone (Dolphins, Rams) and the Colts don’t look ready to duplicate the work done by the 2008 Patriots. Lines taken from Vegas.com this week since injuries have too many games off the board at BoDog.

Packers (-3.5) at the Bears: Really wish this line was an even 3 since in the Aaron Rodgers Administration the offense’s one true Kryptonite has been Lovie Smith’s defense (of course they’re still 5-2 against Chicago in that time since the Kryptonite to the Bears offense is any NFL defense with a pulse) and this figures to be another slugfest. If ever there was a week for the Green Bay defense to return to its pass rushing glory it will be in this game where, as mentioned Wednesday, an already bad offensive line is now working with backups. Sounds like a broken record when talking about these games but I’ve always viewed it as if you don’t turn the ball over against them and makes them beat you it’s probably not going to happen, so play smart fellas. Go Pack Go.

Bengals (-2.5) over the 49ers: I bet if you told a 10 year kid watching this game that these teams played in two Super Bowls during the 80s he’d call you a liar right to your face. In lieu of watching this mess I suggest getting some cardio in by doing the Ickey Shuffle for three hours instead.

Texans (+4) at the Saints: Houston getting a lot of love in this game, not too many teams will be this close of an underdog at the Superdome this year I wouldn’t think but what the hell, let’s take a chance and assume that these guys actually are good. Sure they’ve only played the Colts and Dolphins but Wade Phillips’ new defense has been getting pressure with new super-linebacker Mario Williams so I see this game staying close unless Matt Schaub doesn’t implode. It’s just good to see Wade in happier times again and not like his Dallas days (if you look for an image of him the first drop down option listed on Google is “Wade Phillips confused”, how did people laugh before the internet?)

Wade Phillips watches Cowboy cheerleaders practice with their boobs giggling and thinks "Why not me"?

Bills (+8) over the Patriots: 8 points for America’s darlings against America’s football bane that’s given up more yards than anyone in the first two weeks? For shame Vegas, for shame.

Giants (+8.5) at the Eagles: This is the only line I could find and must have been done with the assumption that Vick will play. I dunno, let’s just move on.

Browns (-2.5) over the Dolphins: I’m tired of Miami making me look stupid (watch them be a carbon copy of last season’s team now and start winning road games after looking like ass in front of 50,000 people at ManBearPig Stadium). Somewhat shocking to see this line at less than a field goal since Cleveland was one blown coverage away from being 2-0 and prompting sportswriters to dust off the columns they wrote in June when the Indians were good about how the city is ready to embrace an underdog winner (then come December they’d bust out the same recaps of sports misery in the Cleve, rinse, wash, repeat).

Titans (-6.5) over the Broncos: I know Baltimore was down a couple cornerbacks but will still put it out there that if Matt Hasselbeck can throw for 300+ against them the Tennessee offense will find similar success against Denver who really should be 0-2 after doing everything in their power to blow a game at home to the Bengals. My lock prediction for this one is that I won’t watch a snap.

Ravens (-4) at the Rams: Final score 18-12, all field goals. Baltimore won’t have much crowd noise to deal with as all the fans will be paying attention to the Cards game.

Vikings (+3.5) over the Lions: Just a hunch, people could be overstating the Viking’s terribleness and despite Matty Frat Boy’s confidence still not a believer that Rome was built in a day so let’s see Detroit go on the road and take care of business like a true contender should do before we just assume they’ll get it done. Oddest game of the weekend for me since I’ll be cheering on the Vikings which makes me want to take that stupid horn and shove it in my temple.

Panthers (-3.5) over the Jaguars: Always exciting when the Cities Who Shouldn’t Have Gotten Teams in 1995 Bowl is played. Rookie quarterbacks battle and many cat sounds will be played at the stadium. That’s all you need to know about this one.

This man's name is unfortunately Blaine Gabbert

Chargers (-14.5) over the Chiefs: Last week I said I didn’t like NFL lines this big and then the Steelers beat Seattle 24-0. Never again, may the team that’s been outscored this season 89-10 keep the march to 0-16 happen. The only thing that gives me pause is that San Diego’s involved and if anyone can make life harder on themselves than this team I haven’t seen it. They outplayed the Patriots most of the day and still managed to lose by two touchdowns thanks to self-inflicted wounds.

Raiders (+3.5) over the Jets: Love this game and going out on a slight limb here since I actually think Oakland’s a solid team, watched the replay of their game in Buffalo and they really should have had that even after blowing the lead, some questionable penalties kept Bills drives alive. So I’ll predict they come back with a vengeance this week and that Chris Berman will make a Heidi reference during this week’s Two-Minute Drill.

Buccaneers (-1.5) over the Falcons: Two teams that looked completely different from one game to the next but even while defeating the Dream Team I didn’t come away from that game all that impressed with Atlanta so much as I thought “If Vick doesn’t get hurt they lose by three scores”. The Falcons have quietly assembled a mediocre offensive line that nearly got Matt Ryan killed last week so unless they’re able to get Turner going again the cannons will be firing at Raymond James.

Cardinals (-3.5) at the Seahawks: If these teams were playing in my backyard I’d close the drapes.

Steelers (-10.5) at the Colts: They could just show the Faith Hill intro on a loop for three hours and it would be more entertaining than this game. The ads on NBC have been hilarious when after talking up why we should want to watch the Steelers with all their stars we get “And the Colts want to protect their home turf” with a quick shot of Dwight Freeney. This is starting to feel like that weird 1999 season when all of a sudden the 49ers were terrible but it still took about half the year to actually believe it, funny how just seeing the laundry makes you assume a team will be good after a while.

Washington (+5.5) at the Cowboys: Tony Romo quarterbacked a team to victory with broken ribs and a punctured lung, Rex Grossman quarterbacked a team to victory with man-boobs. Who is the real hero here?