A third straight 6-10 week has undoubtedly killed any dreams for a rebound to .500 by the end of the season, so while I ponder being the Seattle Seahawks of prognostication (bad but not terrible where I can be mentioned with the absolute dregs) let’s take a look at the Week 14 lines starting with the Packers gunning to clinch a first round bye.

Packers (-11.5) over the Raiders: Returning home again for the first time in 3 weeks (seems like one overlooked part of the undefeated stretch so far this season is that they’re already 7-0 on the road including wins over contending clubs like the Falcons, Bears, Lions and Giants, don’t let idiots tell you the schedule’s been soft) they seem to be catching Oakland at the right time. Darren McFadden and a couple other guys (how about that level of detail you can only find in these posts) will be sitting out and we saw last week in Miami just how good they were without them. The Raider defense can be frisky at times but if there ever a week for the Green Bay unit to perform it will be going against Carson Palmer, look for the Claymaker to get his sacks against that statue.

Steelers (-14) over the Browns: Fucking shit, Pittsburgh might be the weirdest team in the league, still not sure just how elite they are.

Colts (+16.5) at the Ravens: I lose when I think Indy plays it close against bad teams, I lose when I assume the Patriots will blow them out and now we’re presented a game in which Joe Flacco is giving three scores. The only thing I know is that I’d rather watch that old Baltimore Colts marching band perform for 3 hours than watch this game.

Chiefs (+10.5) at the Jets: Here’s to a 20-10 final, KC should keep running the Hail Mary and hope for the best.

Lions (-10) over the Vikings: Hate this line, hate these teams but with any luck Detroit will join the 2003 Vikings as teams to start 5-0 or better and still miss the playoffs while the Packers march on. Here’s hoping Jared Allen keeps his hands to himself this week and leaves the groins of his opposition alone.

Titans (+3.5) over the Saints: I like the idea of a 7-5 team being a home dog against an opponent that doesn’t do outdoors as well as their dome. Hopefully during the telecast we learn just how Jimmy Graham has crafted a hairstyle that resembles a skull cap.

Step aside Blake Griffin, you have company amongst creepy-looking black gingers in sports

Dolphins (-3) over the Eagles: Before the season who could have ever imagined that this would be the line for this game? With Philly’s porous run defense look for Reggie Bush to come closer to a rather shocking 1,000 yard season which has kinda gone overlooked since we keep hearing how Darren Sproles is on another plane of football existence in New Orleans and there’s NO WAY they’d still be good with Bush.

Bengals (-2.5) over the Texans: Sneaky good game and I hope people who say there’s no defense in the NFL give this one a watch. I’m digging this Houston team (having two former Badgers on the roster playing prominent roles helps) and would have liked to see them take their chances in the playoffs with Schaub but as is right now they’re trying to win the way the Bears think they can with running and defense. That was a good gutty win last week against the Falcons but I’m not sure if they can duplicate the feat against a better defense.

Washington (+7.5) over the Patriots: I remain convinced that at some point this team will pull a shocker, thought it was coming last week and they did hold a 16-13 lead in the 4th before imploding. We’ll see just how bad this New England secondary is if Sexy Rexy can work his pudgy magic against them.

Falcons (-3) at the Panthers: Atlanta struggled mightily in Houston last week but Carolina’s defense is the polar opposite of that group, look for a hard fought win to keep this team looking good for a playoff berth (I’m figuring the Saints will have nothing to play for in Week 17 after the 49ers wrap up the #2 seed).

Buccaneers (-2.5) at the Jaguars: Community is no longer on TV but these teams are. Worst Christmas season ever. Speaking of, in order to make up for causing you to think about this game may I present Alison Brie in a sexy Santa suit singing and dancing.

49ers (-4) at the Cardinals: So wanted to go the other way on this, Arizona is a sneaky good bad team (amirite Jason Garrett?) but this seems like it will be another one of those San Francisco games where they’re up 9-0 at the half and win 20-7 or something.

Denver (-3.5) over the Bears: Tebow is the reason for the season.

Chargers (-7) over the Bills: San Diego already wore the powder blues a couple weeks back denying us one of the best looking games of the season here, get fucked Norv (I know he probably has no say in the matter but it’s just easier at this point to blame him for everything).

Giants (+3.5) at the Cowboys: Normally I’d bemoan another NFC East game being on SNF but this one’s intriguing after the events in Arizona last week and Dallas keeping Big Blue in the thick of things. They usually seem to do alright in Texas so let’s look for a tight division affair. No word if Ahmad Bradshaw will make the trip as reports out of New York say he’s still dealing with the shame and trauma of being molested by Charles Woodson last week.

Jeff Triplette was fined $2,500 this week for not calling illegal contact on this play

Rams @ Seahawks: No line listed for this game, either it’s because we don’t know who will be starting for St. Louis or the oddsmakers simply forgot this game as I’m sure most TV viewers will Monday night, surely Christmas Vacation has to be on somewhere opposite this, right? (UPDATE: Seahawks giving 10.5 tonight, think I’ll give the points)